Multiples of 5

Don't ask me what the title of this blog is about because truly I have NO idea. I was sitting here thinking about what to name it and suddenly multiples of five popped into my head. Who knows? I also have this big fear that I am going to misspell popped as pooped and suddenly the sentence takes on a whole new meaning.

I finished my Four Agreements book and it has brought me to a whole new level of inner peace. Something about being impeccable with my word and creating my own heaven within my spirit is very uplifting and hopeful.

I had the mindshrinking yesterday and I think that I figured out some serious questions in my life. It seems that alot of people always ask the same question, why am I here? What is the meaning of life? Are we just pawns in a much larger game of chess, put here simply for the amusement of a higher power? I think that as we grow older, or at least as I do, I believe that everyone has a different purpose. They have different roles in life and they are put here for different purposes but mostly to bring joy to the lives of the people that surround them. Moms, sons, daughters, best friends etc. I truly am beginning to believe that my reason for life, why I am here is to learn about myself. If the philosophies are true (did I spell that right?) and the most significant and important relationship that we have in life is the one that we have with ourselves then why not spend my life learning about who that self actually is?? Of course, bringing joy to other peoples lives is just as important but why not be what society considers a little selfish and spend time with you.

As we go through our lives we have what everyone considers to be successes and failures but are these definitions the actual truth? If we set out to try and do something and we do not complete or 'succeed' in our task but learn something, have we acutally failed or have we made a significant contribution into the purpose of our lives.

There are many things that I could and have considered to be 'failures' in my life. The more important fact is not that I have had these but that after the theoretical failure I learned something new about myself, what I like and dislike, what I can and cannot understand and/or settle for, the truth behind what makes Britt, Britt.

The new leaf that I have begun to turn over, leaves me feeling refreshed, energized, and confident that I can and will be 'successful' in my life. All of the things that allow me to exist i.e. job, money, house, etc. are just bonuses because I have found that sleep comes easier, tasks are more pleasant and I am an easier person to be around in general.

I think that going home to Little Rock this weekend will be an even furthur push into my new outlook on my life.

There was a time, not that long ago, that I could not see what everyone else saw. This is not one of those 'my mom tells me I am the cutest kid ever' things. I was truly unable to see the good in me. Of course, we are always our own worst critics.

When summed up by friends and family I am relatively far ahead of where a 23, almost 24, year old should be. I have a good job, am intelligent, relatively good looking, and for the most part a positive person. The outlook that I am gaining is allowing me to see myself for the love that I possess and that I place in other peoples heart.

When I was a senior in high school my mother wrote something that will more than likely stick with me forever. When asked about my first accomplishment she referred to a dark period in her life, after her father had passed away. I was six months old when he passed and she had been busy getting ready for the funeral. She walked into my room and I had pulled myself up on the side of my crib for the first time. There was a twinkle in my eye and a huge grin on my face. She laughed as did my brothers. My life throughout my high school years were faced with mostly this same attitude.

I was a happy person. Always willing to help and or bring pleansantness to those that were around me.

So long story short, if a man owns happiness and is willing to share it with the world what can he not accomplish. As I embark on my life from here into the future, by facing it with this attitude, what can I not accomplish???