Satans Earthly Form....The Scale

As you know, I am working out and trying to not be a fat ass. Last night at the gym I decided to get on the scale and get at least some sort of idea as to where I was starting out from, mind you that the most that I have EVER weighed in my life is 215. My ideal weight was in college at around 195. I only had ONE chin at that point and my thighs well I had TWO of those. So anyway, I get on the scale while "Frankie is Relaxing", look down and to my pleasant suprise the scale says '212'.

Instantly I know this is a VILE AND ODIOUS LIE!!!!

I know that there is NO WAY in the world that I can weigh less than the most I have ever weighed and my pants be getting this tight. Seriously if I continue to wear these pants I am going to get the gut ridge. You know what I am talking about except for you people who have a naturally high metabolism and can eat your way through a Burger King and not gain an ounce.

I used to be like you. Always eating at McDonalds and Taco Bell and NEVER even thinking twice about it. In fact, I could pull off my pants without unbuttoning them, the same pants that I now have to lay flat on the bed and suck in to zip.

After the scale shot that blatant lie at me, I proceeded to work my BUTT off so that maybe when I got on a real scale I wouldn't weigh as much as I thought I actually did.

Well I did. I weighed this morning at work. Don't ask me why but my brother keeps a scale in his office. Possibly to torture his little brother?? I weighed, 227 pounds on the dot. This is going to be a SERIOUS challenge, I want to lose 27 pounds in all reality I want to get to 190 but baby steps my friend baby steps.

iPods, Tennis Shoes, Wine, and Thunder Thighs

Its December 27th, smack dab in the middle of that week where employees and management alike are about .0000000001% as productive as they are supposed to be. But tis the season I suppose. I returned from my extended trip to Little Rock on Monday night and have decided that my thighs (along with gut and spare tire) have overstayed their welcome on my body. So armed with my new workout tools i.e. iPod (thanks Debbie) and my cheap-o Nike's I have made my triumphant return to the gym.

My gym is beautiful. Its one of those big city gyms that you see on Sex and the City. It is on the top of a building in downtown and the ceiling is all glass so while you sweat you get to look out at the incredible Dallas nightline. The only problem with said gym is that there are about 200 people (men and women) in attendance who seem to have been created in a test tube and given all of the genes necessary to have the perfect example body.

One woman, that teaches the spin class, appears to have let her infant draw on her stomach with a charcoal pencil for she had the most defined abs EVER, period.

So I decided that I am going to hold myself accountable to all of you avid readers of my blog. All 2 of you. THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT. I have also decided that I am going to try and get a blog AT LEAST every other day to let you know what is happening in my life. Also at the end of every blog I am going to include my activities for the night before letting you know if I worked out or not.

I have in fact worked out the past two nights. Today sitting at my desk, I sort of feel like I have been run over by a freight train. My thighs are tight and I can barely walk. I woke up this morning and thought to myself, I might die trying to get out of dead. The pain in my legs was SO incredible that it took me 10 minutes to just stand up. No pain, no gain I guess.

To Shannon and Vic, I know that this blog isn't very funny but then again, what is funny about working out. Just imagine me with my earbuds in, iPod strapped to my arm dancing to I'm A Slave for You by Ms. Spears (that is pre-insane I am going to marry unwashed trailer trash and then have his baby).

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY and more to come.

I will be in Little Rock for New Years listening to B-side play at STICKY FINGERS with my lovah. CAN"T WAIT!!!!!

Drunken Reindeer

You Are Blitzen

Always in good spirits, you're the reindeer who loves to party down with Santa. Why You're Naughty: You're always blitzed on Christmas Eve, while flying! Why You're Nice: You mix up a mean eggnog martini.

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

ATM Axing

Last night, while watching the 10:00 news the lead story was of a man in Frisco, TX (home of oversized SUVs and my brother) that had destroyed three ATMs with an axe, no doubt in an effort to pay his Am Ex bill after the over-indulgent Christmas that his wife insisted upon.

The problem with this is two things. Number 1, in all of his strenious effort to hack open the ATM he never bothered to cover, look away from, or foil the VIDEO CAMERA that every ATM in the world has attached to them just above the keypad. So naturally the camera caught his face so well that I would be able to recognize him if I knew him. That was his first mistake.

His second and almost impossibly stupid mistake is that he had what appeared to be a ski mask on top of his head but it was not pulled down across his face. While this mistake probably caused the first mistake it makes me wonder, have thieves become too stupid to even try and get away with it.

He hit three banks and got nothing. He succeeded in getting not one single solitary dime from any of his axing escapades. Sad, really. Considering the effort that he went to.