Random Thoughts and Raves

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

**24**

Today, I leave behind the period of life called the early twenties.

Sadly, no one can ever say "OH I think hes in his early twenties" or "its okay if he is a drunk inconsiderate asshole he is in his early 20's". Read previous post regarding that topic. This morning I feel different. Of course, this is totally ridiculous because I was 23 less than 12 hours ago but for some reason, the number*24 brings to mind responsiblity as though the 20-23 timeframe was a sort of entrance into adulthood.

If you consider it and the events that are involved in the 20-23 time period its a time of youth and growth. Part of that period, you are still in college and the remainder is spent getting your 'adulthood' feet wet.

I feel as though 24 is bringing something to me that I have been waiting for, for a while. I have always been 'too old' to hang around people my age but people who are older always consider me 'too young and flaky' because lets face it, for the most part we are. I doubt very seriously that anyone is going to change their attitude towards me because I say I am 24 instead of 23 but for me its an attitude change.

Twenty three was a good year, full of ups and downs, but for the most part it was a good one. I got a new car, gained an assload of AWESOME friends, got into a condo I love, but also had my first true heartbreak.

Twenty four brings a lot of new possibilities. Considering that alcohol has taken a back seat to well everything else in my life I am hoping that it will be a here of consideration, of laughter, love, and joy.

Will report back in one year. Well probably before then but you get the drift

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Geographically Single

There are many reasons as to why people explain the reasons that they have met their significant other. The control of a higher power whether it be God or fate or the 'universe' is probably the biggest reason that I have heard in my years of dating.

"We met because God put us together"

Okay, well that is a great explanation for those people but what about the people who don't believe in that God or even a higher power. Is there a reason that we meet, date, and settle down? I think that there is a certain nesting factor that happens to all of us as we age. (NO comments from the peanut gallery about the lack of rings inside my trunk). Humans and mammals for that matter seem to have a predisposition to finding a mate and sticking with them. As our society has evovled over the decades the length of time with which people stay together has shortened and this is concerning, to me at least.

In the '50s it was NOT uncommon to know people who were married or had been together for 30, 40, or 50 years. The divorce rate of course was a lot lower and I think that was more to do with the role that society had placed on women. Women were expected to grow up, get married, and considering divorce was not an option. It was shun by society. How many people got divorce in 1950?

What seems to have happened is that our technological advance of the last decade has profoundly affected the way that we live our everyday lives. Obviously. Email has replaced phone calls which replaced personal contact. Its not uncommon to never actually speak to someone who is a business associate and/or friend for months. Sure, we love our computers, our ability to close multi-billion dollar deals with an email, and end meaningful relationships with a text message but at what cost does it come?

Are we so out of touch and jaded that we don't stick around to work out problems in our relationships because if you aren't who I want, exactly, I can leave and find someone who is? Which leads me back to the geographically single title. In a city like Dallas, where everything is deliverable, findable, and do able, what keeps us in a relationship?

To quote a good friend on this topic

"You will also find people less willing to compromise and work on problems, because they know the supply of men is plentyful"

Sure the supply of men is plentiful but how tacky is that to actually think about? If I am not perfect in EVERY way, I could be left standing for someone who actually appears to hold the perfection that I did not.

Our society has placed entirely too much stock in this so called 'perfection'. For decades, women have been plagued with pictures of too thin, supposedly beautiful women as the idea of perfection. I never really could understand why this affected them in such a way. Until I became immersed in gay culture. The boys with the abs win. Hands down, every time. Intelligence, consideration, deep thought and kindness are considered strange characteristics and have been placed last on the list of things wanted in a partner or even a friend. They always lose to who has the better body, the prettier face, or the best hair. And why shouldn't they? We worship the example of perfection because the majority of people are too scared to get real. Get deep.

Real feelings and emotions are difficult to deal with because they aren't pleasant all the time. Drug addiction and alcoholism are rampant.

So, if I become plastic, true hard cold shiny plastic would the part that is not wither and die?

Monday, August 07, 2006

Play it Forward

Alright, lots to catch you up on. Where do I begin?? Let me think..... Okay so here is the plan, I am going to start typing what has been happening and just HOPE that my mind will do the "interenet surf-like" thought process and flow logically from one topic to the next, probably not but just try and follow.

Currently, I am on the phone with my eletric company because I fear that they may be too stupid for life for I have not received an electric bill in a suspicously long period of time. Of course, this is always concerning because I transferred the account recently and while I HAVE received an electric statement, which rivaled 200$, since moving, its been quite a while and I am concerned that somehow my billing address did not change or something. WHO KNOWS with these people? They are forever on the hold times and they now charge 4.95 to pay your bill on the internet. They no longer take payments over the phone, now PLEASE explain THAT one to me. You get instant verification that the payment is received and yet you are CHARGING me to pay the bill. WHATEVER!!!!!

Back in June, I totally forgot to mention the fact that I went to see "The Devil Wears Prada". AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!!!! Way back when the book was first released I ran out, purchased, and read the book all in one day. I think that this was because the book and Miranda Priestly made me incredibly nervous so I felt in necessary to read the WHOLE book or I wouldn't be able to sleep. I loved the book and the movie, I think, was even better. It seems to have transferred very well to the silver screen and I won't lie. I have seen it twice IN THE MOVIE THEATER. Thats right, I paid that insane movie theater ticket price TWICE. It was that good. Meryl Streep friggin ROCKS!!!!

I will be purchasing when released on DVD.

Okay, more recent developments in the life of Britt. This weekend was the celebration of two of my friends birthdays. One is today and the other is in a couple of days but a quasi-celebration happened on Friday night. Unknown to me, it was declared by the birthday boys to be 'trashy bar night'. I was frightened when I learned of this because while Dallas has some FABULOUS bars, there are some scary seedy joint sprinkled in there and of course they were at the top of the list for necessary cameos. Let me begin with the 'so-called' Hidden Door...

#1 Its hidden for a reason
#2 Even intoxicated, I think that walking in would be sobering experience
#3 I was unaware that leather vests had made a comeback in everyday fashion.
#4 Nipple rings seem to be an appropriate accessory for said leather vests with no shirt worn underneath.

Let me set the scene. A dark bar with lots of old wooden furniture, pool tables, dart board, VERY low ceilings and the stench of old beer and possibly urine. I was unable to locate the origination of this smell but for some reason it seemed as though the patrons had forgotten about the ACTUAL bathroom that exists in the bar and possibly just gone where they were standing. The patrons were mostly blue collar, strangely dressed (as in one man had an eyepatch) and swilling 50 cent beers while playing pool and listening to country music. You can imagine that in Banana Republic and suede loafers I stood out just a wee bit.

We were there for about an hour and I tried to make the best of the situation being with friends, etc. But after being there as long as I possibly could, I HAD to get out. So we left and the two birthday boys decided to attend Zippers, a local 'dancing boy' bar of which I was not likely to have ANY fun in AT ALL. We went to be supportive, stayed for about 2 minutes IF THAT and then left.

Saturday was more of my speed. Trashy bars and I never really got along all that well. We decided that to celebrate one of the birthdays we would go to a restaurant of his choosing and have a great dinner with the friends. He chose Patrizios, a local Italian place in Higland Park Village. It was a GREAT time. We arrived, put our name on the list, and began to wait in the bar area which overlooked the dining room. There were five of us total and as you can imagine we are a sight to behold. Nothing outrageous but we are five out and proud gay men and we have fun, wherever we are, whatever we are doing. As we stoof waiting I noticed that a table of two girls were particularly interested in the actions of our group. So much, in fact that she was no longer distracted by her obscenely large wineglass, but instead, turned completely around in her chair to observe 'the homosexual in their natural habitat'. I noticed but didn't really care because I know that five attractive gay men standing and laughing together can obtain interest in itself. After waiting for about 30 minutes we are seated, parallel to the interested parties, and of course our 'little party' continues at the table. We order and forks are passed around so everyone can have a taste of everyone elses food and so on and so forth. We laugh and have a great time and at one point in the evening I happen to glance over and the girls are now staring at us and make a face and mouth the words, "do you wanna look at us over here". Uncomfortable I of course direct my attention back to the meal and am somewhat irritated because they have now become rudely involved in my dining experience.

After we pay the check and are leaving I walk directly past the table and the girls again are staring and making faces so I step back and ask them 'do I have something on my face?" and they both immediately put their heads down and concentrate on anything but ACTUALLY speaking to me. The rudeness amazed me but it was not to ruin my evening.

We finished with dinner about 10 and headed to a really cool and unique bar called Minc. Its very eastern religiously decorated and has an AWESOME funky and very eclectic atmosphere. We took up residence on a big wooden bed in the middle of the room and hung out, talked, and people watched for a while. It was a great time had by all especially the birthday boy.

We went from there to some more familiar haunts, S4, of which for some reason is ALWAYS a stop on the list. We watched the show and chatted and had a lot of fun and then went and danced for a while. While I was dancing, I noticed that this really cute guy kept looking in my direction and smiling. I of course smiled back and eventually went over and danced with him a bit.

His name was Marcus and he had just moved from San Francisco to train for flight attendants school. He seemed to be very interested and I was as well until I learned that he was only here for three weeks. We chatted for a little while longer and I had the decision to make. I could either, A) give him my number and have a meaningless relationship for three weeks or B) leave with my friends and write at off as me still being able to attract the hotties.

I chose B, for at this point in my life, the meaningless and sexually only satisfying relationship is not something that I am looking for, in face I am quite over it.

According to my friend JJ, I did good. I conquered two of my major demons on Saturday night and I agreed after he gave me his interpretation. I have given up liquor and I needed to time to handle that situation before I could handle saying no to a cute guy about having a short lived something or another relationship. Its the universes way of letting me work it all out, one challenge at a time. Its a growth period. My self esteem and confidence levels have begun to rise once again and hopefully allow me to be more supportive of myself in my decisions as I go through life.

All in all, I had a great weekend. I did some thinking, some reminiscing, and soul searching. While, I am happy with myself (FINALLY), I still get lonely and wish for that touch of someone extremely special. I know that one day I will have that but for now, I have some extremely special friends that I wouldn't trade anything in the world for.