Is there such a thing as no strings?

No strings attached.

Its a phrase that I have heard quite a bit in the last few years. It started in high school with the release of the album by NSync called No Strings Attached. At the tender age of seventeen I was blindly unaware as to what strings were and what the title of that album foreshadowed involving the actual lyrics to the song. I know it seems strange that a grown man is making reference to a teeny bopper boy band but follow me.

In my world, the are a lot of things that are supposedly no strings. Sex, relationships, friendships, actions, words, all of which can in theory contain no strings but only if that is an actual stipulation. But can this exsist in actuality? Is there such a thing as no strings? Every word we say, every decision we make causes an emotion, whether in ourselves or in others. Fear, anger, hurt, happiness, joy, bliss, all are caused by decisions that we make. I suppose that the actual meaning of this is that nothing past this. You don't hold me responsible for anything more than what we agree on but I have never been able to do that. Well at least not consciencely.

As of late, I have begun to think about what is happening in life. I am 24 and while that is not OLD persay its old enough to know better. Its old enough to begin to start to settle in and look for those things in my life that are going to be constant. Gone are the fleeting romances, the flings, the replaceable friends, the disposable emotions and relationships.

Those things, always associated with childlike behavior and times are now replaced with words like partner, marriage, family, love and connection. Never before has there been a time when I have needed the love and support of not only my blood family but the family that I have chosen. To some degree, that family is more than the other. Blood family is given. Chosen family is just that.....chosen. A conscience decision is made to allow these people into all facets of your life, emotion and thought. They invade every part of you. They know you better than anyone. They are the ones you call when you aren't sure you could be happier and the ones you call when you aren't sure that you could make it through alone.

I have been blessed in my life to have an incredible, supportive, and loving blood family and even more blessed to have found a chosen family that I feel 100% a part of. No judgement, no hidden agendas. Just love.

In answer to the question, I don't think that there is ever such a thing as no strings. There are always strings. It is how we deal with these strings that truly defines our life.

Forks and where they lead us

When I was in high school, I had two of the closest friends that I could imagine. The three amigos, we were. Our antics were looked upon fondly by not only our peers but our teachers because we were intelligent, driven, and hard working individuals. To say that we ran North Pulaski High School would be a severe understatement. We were everywhere, sometimes together, sometimes seperate but always running this club or that group.

Graduation would seperate Amy from Andrea and I but not just geographically. College is said to be the greatest time of your life. Not only are you discovering new things about your surroundings but it is an intense time of learning for anyone. No longer guided by your parents rules and values, college is meant to give you a foundation for the rest of your life. You make decisions and you must deal with the consequences and hope that the good will always outweight the bad.

College for me was difficult. I was back and forth between who I was and wanted to be and who I knew I was and could be. "Deep as a puddle of mud" was applied to me multiple times during this period, that is until I let down my guard and became the man that I knew I was inside.

Andrea and I found new lives, friends and routines but we would always come back to one another. We had some of the largest fights our lives in college but also some of the best times. Andrea has always been a bit overprotective when it came to me. It annoyed me, it frustrated me, and it caused some of the larger of the aformentioned fights. But there was always a sense of protection and love. Almost like a blanket that I could hide under.

The three amigos were truly seperated when I came out. Well, sort of. Andrea was my foundation, my base, the one that I knew no matter what that I could tell anything to and she would support me, in this instance she didn't prove any different. When I told Amy that I was gay she was slightly less accepting. Her very deep religious beliefs would cause a conflict between she and I, which in turn would cause a conflict between she and Drea because Andrea was behind me 100%.

Amy and I have gotten better, but the difference in the people that we are now and who we were in high school is staggering. Andrea and I have gone on to find careers in our chosen paths in life. Amy has gotten married and is expecting a family.

The strangest of all the realities that were to become was that, Amy was the one who was predicted more success. She excelled at almost everything academic AND athletic. She was a rock that couldn't be broken.

All of this leads up to this past weekend. Andrea and her fiance moved to Tulsa where he is a corporate attorney. Amy was in Tulsa with her husband who plays for a Christian youth group and Tulsa is only a few hours away from Dallas, so the decision was made.

We met and Drea and I talk, act, and laugh at the same things we always have. Amy on the other hand is a bit more reserved. Our lives, are put on a pedastal as are Drea and I personally. Its almost as though we are a side show. An entertaining one and certainly the stars of any conversation. Amy and her husband were fascinated with the stories, the events, and the things that we have. While our lives are just our lives, it was strange to see the reactions to our conversations.

Its amazing to see where life will lead people.