60 Hour Work Weeks=No Fun

Greetings from the wonderful world of tax season. Hasn't the IRS been trying to make it simpler to file your taxes??? What happened with all of that? Well, whatever, I guess tax professionals don't qualify considering that we do mass amounts of tax work ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Anyway, the excuse for my recent lack of posting. I have received multiple comments from my peeps in the Ar-Kansas wondering if I fell off the face of the planet. Nope, still here, just hold up inside my cell, I mean office.

It has been incredibly busy around this joint lately as you can imagine. Saturdays and Sundays both are days I thought were reserved for rest. Not so much. I have worked and will work both days until the magical day of April 17th. Then a week in Chicago with the mom. CANNOT WAIT.

It has been a typical few weeks of trying to juggle my social calendar, which fills quickly, and my professional calendar which lets be honest, has been full since February.

I have come across a GREAT group of friends that I run around with and cause trouble. Some of them I have had since I moved here and some of them have just recently been added to the ranks. We are trouble and that is all there is to say about that. We have fun and at 23 isn't that what I am supposed to be doing?? Well that and feigning over a new car. Yeah, I have become a yuppy and I want a Land Rover Disco. August is the birthday and I am going to do everything I can to get a new car, if not a Disco then probably one of those cute little Mazda Miatas that I have so often craved since my mom drove one home. I know what you are thinking, BRITT, you are 6'2 how are you EVER going to fit in one of those?? My reply? I don't care. I LOVE THEM. I did find an 04 Discovery that was BLACK. When I say BLACK I MEAN BLACK. Outside, inside, windows, BRUSH GUARD!! All of it. Lets face it, HOW HOT would I look driving around in an ALL BLACK Disco?? I know, right?

The dating portion of my life suddenly exploded all at one time. Its interesting and still I'm not ready. There is a portion of my heart that resides in Arkansas with Michael and of course I don't know that I will ever get it back. He still even after months is a never fading memory. Something about his aura, his being, and his karma that just pulls me back no matter how hard I strive to push away. I by no means burst into tears randomly anymore but there are times when the heartaches are tough. I face them and I move through them with the strength that was given me by my mom. I have been on several dates and have been seeing a couple of guys. Nothing serious because not ready but it gives me hope for the future. I have told them this and they understand and they are still sticking around.

We have multiple choices in this department. Choice #1 is the bad boy. He does hair. REALLY super hot, sweet, etc. and digs him some Britt. That is about as far as it goes. We don't have a lot in common and I am learning about how much the intellectual side of me needs to be attracted to someone. Strange, huh? But we can keep him around to see what transpires because DAMN he sure is pretty to look at.

Choice #2 is really cute. Like little boy cute. Our personalities compliment each other well and he is one of those that you know that you could take home to Mom and she would like him because he is fun, sweet, and has that "take home ability" that so many guys just don't possess.

There are more but truly I am pretty much only interested in these two. We are keeping it casual and that is my choice. Juggling two guys is hard. A scheduling nightmare to be exact but you do what you can. My phone rings CONSTANTLY. 2, 3 in the morning, doesn't matter. But I guess that is the price you pay.

BIG HUGS TO EVERYONE. LOVE YOU!! See you after the 17th.

Back In Full Effect

I'm back. Its been a while since the last post but tax season and everything has been working me out. Seriously. I worked close to 60 hours last week trying to get a handle and some control on all the work that seems to have fallen from the sky and landed on my desk. Its a whirlwind of activity around here like you WOULD NOT believe.

Last week was one thing, work. So much work that I got past all of the depression like thoughts that were circling. Like I have always said, there are good days and bad. The weekend was pretty exciting. Saturday night I went to a suprise 50th birthday party for my friend Blakes mom. All day long she was irritated because she wanted to spend time with Blake and he kept having to push her off because we were running around trying to get the last minute details together. She was sufficiently suprised especially when she saw me because she thought that everyone was going to dinner to celebrate and I told her that I couldn't make it which she was incredibly disappointed about. Of course, we were putting her on so that she would be really suprised. She was. We had a great time and I met some really cool people. We went from there and moved on to the local drinking establishment and partied it up.

The interesting encounter came in the afternoon shopping for a new black shirt to wear to the party. It was the 'Over the Hill' theme and everyone had to wear black. Of course, I own 400 black shirts but I wanted one with some POP to wear to the celebration. So armed with tennis shoes and a credit card, Blake and I hit Northpark Mall in search of the perfect black shirt for me to wear.

After going in nearly every store, Dillards, Foleys, Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus, Kenneth Cole, Banana Republic, etc. we make our way to Guess as a last hope. They had a really cute shirt that was ON SALE, MY FAVORITE!!!!!

After grabbing it and making my way to the cash register I was attacked by a sales girl. Now let me describe because she was not just any sales girl. She was about 5 feet tall, thin, probably in her late teens or VERY EARLY twenties. She was dressed in typical Guess employee garb. Her eye makeup is what I was concentrated on. It appears that a tube of glitter exploded on each eyelid. NO LIE!!!

Sales Girl: ARE YOU READY (Valley Girl accent)

Me: Yeah, I am

Sales Girl: You don't want to TRYYYYY it ONNNNN?

Me: No, I just want to buy it

Sales Girl: THATS AWESOME, you came in and found what you wanted and now you are gonna get it, YAAAAAAAAAAY, AAAAAAAAAA.

Me: yes

Sales Girl: Was anyone helping you today?

Me: Not really so I guess you.

Sales Girl: YAAAAAAAAAAAY, you are my first sale of the day, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

There was literally screeching and screaming happening from her every two or three sentences so you can imagine how this would get all up on your last nerve. By the time that I had gotten my bags I was WORN out. As you can imagine.

Other than that, good weekend. Great times with a lot of fun people.

Back to the salt mines.

And as far as the other in this office that has been up on my nerves. I bet if he acted a little more put out with his job then MAYBE it would all be better. LOL. I am laughing for that is all that I can do.

Boooooo

I am in a mood today. I am not really sure where exactly this mood came from but it has seemed to settle over me much like a fog. Last weekend was a carbon copy of every other weekend for the past two months. Go out, drink, friends, blah blah and while I am young and supposed to spend the majority of my non-working hours in a drunken haze, I would like to feel just slightly better about A) my life B) where said life is going and C) what I spend my time doing when I am not at work.

I know that as a human I have control over the choices that I make on a daily basis. The choices that I have been making lately seemed to be plauged with debauchery. My life is like Mardi Gras every weekend, full of people and alcohol. Five years ago, I never would have imagined that my life at 23 would be what it is today. At the end of the weekend I look back and think, "Wow Britt, how about accomplishing something besides a rockin headache next weekend?". My apartment is in desperate need of being cleaned, my laundry has piled up to dangerous status and my emotions are all over the place.

Michael has returned to almost an everyday occurence in my life. I think about him and us and this and that almost everyday and it is because of the depression that the alcohol is causing. I know that as a depressant alcohol stays in your system for a couple of days even after you are sober, therefore, still affecting your mood. It has done what it was intended to do.

Be it resolved that I am going to turn around my life and the choices that I make. I have a test to study for that happens in September. It will likely be one of the most challenging things that I have done to date. Basically, I am taking the CPA exam without the college degree and four years of knowledge that most people have when they take it. I am going to be an Enrolled Agent which will allow me to negotiate with the IRS on behalf of clients. This is a pretty big responsibility that requires a lot of knowledge about the tax law. In short, I have to learn the tax code. All of it.

What I intend to do is take my free time and study. There are a plethera of Starbucks and libraries around my house and I sure that spending my time in those with my iPod stuck in my head would do exactly what it is that I want to do and that is challenge my brain. I need to learn and make wrinkles in my brain so that I don't get soft. I need to improve my quality of life and THAT can be done with a mop and broom in my house rather than just letting laundry pile and dust accumulate.

Let it be done.

Words

Have you ever had so much to say and no one to listen?

Has your mind ever raced so quickly with thoughts and words that all you wanted to do was speak and express those thoughts but didn't know how to put the words together to get them out clearly?

Have you ever missed someone so much that your heart hurt?

Mind

Its amazing the games that your mind plays with you when you are paying attention. I am extremely buy with work and with my friends. My life continues to move along at break neck speed with me along for the ride. That is typically how I like things to be because I don't have time to concentrate and ponder over things that could possibly drive me insane but every now and then those thoughts inch their way into my brain.

Today is a strange day. The weather is gorgeous, its Friday, and I have plans that do not include going to the bar this weekend but I am missing Michael. There isn't really any particular reason for me to be thinking about and/or missing him but, a song, or a memory or something will implant itself into my thoughts and there I go. Honestly, he was a great guy and his arms always gave a warm embrace. Maybe that is what I am missing, the simple warm embrace from someone who loves me.

Its Here

The monster that the tax profesionals all either dread or love has descended upon me. Either you love tax season because it is a major money maker or you dread it because it is such a stressful time in your life. Long hours combined with extreme mental exertion can take its toll not only on your body physically but on your mood.

I am generally a happy and pleasant person. I like to sing and listen to music when I am at desk because I believe that no matter how much work piles up on my desk or how upset I am that I am super busy, the work does not care. If I am unpleasant and angry then that only causes the people around me to feel that as well and it can make for a difficult and tense working environment.

There is a particular person that this always seems to affect no matter how many times they have been through it. For some reason, the busy season is not a chance to make the day pass quickly as it is an excuse to be angry and cause a general feeling of uncomfort.

The smallest conversation can almost make you want to run screaming into a corner and hide for the remainder of the day. I have chosen to come into my office, close the door and try and get as much work done as possible. I try and not let their attitude affect my day but it is very difficult. I don't really know how to deal with someone whose every word has a poisonous like tone to it. It gets inside of my feeling for the day and just ruins it. Slamming doors and tension so thick that it could get cut with a knife leaks its way into my emotions and causes a tired sense of self. My spirit seems to diminish during this time of year. I just want to come to the office, work hard, and let it be as pleasant as it possibly can be although I do not feel as though I can here. Laughter and any sign of happiness is scrutinized and looked upon disapprovingly. I feel that it is something that my once upbeat and jovial heart can only deal with for so much longer.

How do you deal with an emotion that is totally foreign to everything that you have ever felt?